Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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