I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
