Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
