We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
