im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.