I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
