Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius