Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis