I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
