you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!