Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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