just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
