If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
