I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
