Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Your cock deserves a montage
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
