my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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