I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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