it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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