Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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