remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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