Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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