Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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