i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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