You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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