I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Omg I joined a choir last night...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
