cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
