would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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