this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
