I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
