I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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