sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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