remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
