You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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