id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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