Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
