dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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