I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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