my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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