Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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