And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
