we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
