remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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