I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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