he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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