Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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