it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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