Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
