I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
