I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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