If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
