i wish my penis had a tongue
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
