i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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