Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
