pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
