yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
