you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
