No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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