Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
