I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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