Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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