Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
