I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
