he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
