His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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