I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
