I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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