I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
